E for Effort
A tale of body magic and g-strings (JK this has nothing to do with that)
Hello Hello Hello… it’s been a hot minute away from these zones because I’m struggling to find my bearings through time changes and many moving parts. In today’s letter, we’re keeping things stern with a side of reflections. My recent trip to the Americas came with some lessons, pockets of joy and the clarity of purpose for some relationships I hold (maybe “held” now) dear.
Can we have a chat about disdain and how it seeps into our interactions even if it was not our intention?
There’s a tone we adopt in moments of irritation that we sometimes miss because we’re not being outwardly “mean” but it’s mean though. Now as someone who had to learn compassionate communication in adulthood after years of the direct opposite being my norm, I know I still have a lot to learn for the desired outcome where it’s no longer an effort-inducing exercise. Now why did this come up? I experienced an unkindness from someone I least expected to be so. I’ve spent the past few weeks trying to rationalise why they thought it was okay to be that unkind, rude and dismissive to me but my best judgment is that they didn’t consider their behaviour wrong which is even more concerning.
Before anyone wonders if I communicated with them, I did and got told something along the lines of “This is how I am, I thought you knew”. I don’t engage gaslighting because it’s a sheer waste of time and effort.
In other good news, Mr. Valentine pulled all the stops for my birthday earlier this week and I want to say how grateful I am to experience such tender care at a time when I struggled with my bearings. It’s kind of a shame that I fought hard for that treatment so the enjoyment still comes with a twinge of pain. Sometimes I wonder how things might have been different if they put in this effort when I was emotionally available. We may never go back to the good days but the respect remains.
2 Things…
Saltburn (streaming on Prime Video): I wish I never watched this sick show Nothing but regrets tbh. Also, my friend’s summary of it is “People who lack contentment are callous” He said it differently but I believe that’s what he meant.
Unpacking and repacking with white girl pop playing in the background
Bonus points for inviting my friend over to help. I 100% recommend it!
You know the thing they say about time or whatever? Well, little Mister Arrogant came across the pond to this side (Nigeria) and expected his Nigerian Bestie (aka me) to be his virtual host after being incredibly rude in the Americas. Says he realised he was wrong about everything we argued about and he’s so sorry for being so arrogant about his convictions at the time. I must admit I didn’t expect the retribution to hit so soon. To be quite honest, I expected his ego to lead him right out of the friendship without much effort from me (yes it’s petty, I’m aware) that’s how hurt I was. Now I’m still hurt by his actions and a healthy distance exists between us for good reason but it’s nothing sustained change and time can’t fix.
I’ve held on to this one longer than I should have but I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. I promise I’ll do better in the next one, it’s a Postcard edition of a city I’ve been to before.
Stay jiggy folks
Xx