Why Are You Staring at me?

If you want to talk to me, talk to me direct! (The men talk back)

This week I told my colleagues I’ll find a boyfriend by Thursday latest (who the hell was I lying to?). Let’s just say they trolled me non-stop all week, imagine what will happen when this drops and I still don’t have a boyfriend (all of you pray for me).

For balance, I asked my male colleagues about the ways women had moved to them but it appears few of them had icky/borderline harassment stories. Little wonder why that’s the case (bombastic side eye to the logical gender). Stop here if you didn’t read the last blog,

When asked ‘What icky ways have women moved to you?’ the guys said:

Jay: So this babe walks up to me at my local pharmacy and said “You know you’re handsome?” (smooth) Then she tried to get my number but I was hesitant so we made a deal.

GC: What deal?

Jay: She said if we met at the pharmacy again, I must give her my number, we didn’t see for 3 weeks afterwards but she collected my number from a mutual friend and called me one random Saturday evening and invited me for a walk.

GC: she sounds like a focused woman to me, did you take the walk?

Jay: Yeah we did for about 2 hours and towards the end of the walk things got weird because she started telling me about her former sexual partners. (awkward!) She even drew comparisons between myself and a former lover with an assumption that my quietness might make me a good lover too. At this point, she flat out told me she wanted to have sex with me and I said no (oops! That’s cold) and she tried convincing me, even rubbing her body against mine while we were outside (that’s harassment). I still rejected her advances but she met me at the pharmacy again and asked if she could come over to ease my stress answer remained no and it was probably the most brazen any woman ever acted to me. (well that took a turn)

Frank: Ahhhh! Intense staring… It was pretty scary, felt quite shy there was this babe from an organisation I facilitated training at. She just kept staring and shooting flirty looks until I walked over to have a chat during a break that was when she told me she liked me. We ended up being good friends afterwards sha, it was a happy ever after but I’ll save that part of the story for later.

Olu: This one happened so many years ago, I was in SS2 and this babe called me aside in the evening. She asked for my name and said “Would you like me to be your girlfriend?” (ayyy! Big babe moves at 14/15yo? I rate it). She also handed me her Slum Book (correctly called Slam Book) As a big boy at the time, I told her I’d think about it but we returned to school before I got the chance to tell her. Tell me why my other peers in the neighbourhood knew about the girl and the way she asked me out when I gisted them. It turns out she approached a few other guys in the same manner FEAR WOMEN!

GC: I think she was building up a rotation for when you were not around, nothing too serious (cackling at this).

Malik: Women are rarely upfront with their advances tbh but there was this one babe from Twitter, she had game.

GC: What did she do?

Malik: She sent me a picture of a mountain (I’m puzzled too but stick with me), I asked if she liked mountains and what made her interested in them, and she said I’m like Mohammed and she’s a mountain. If Mohammed aka I won’t come to the mountain, then the mountain aka she will come to Mohammed.

GC: Women with pen game»»»»»

Malik: all other times women have tried to get my attention, they just give intense stares and wait till you approach them which is sneaky. If you want to talk to me, talk to me directly and stop going through the corners.

Fuad: This happened in Enugu while I was implementing a project. This lady seemed very devoted to the job and she’d always come to my place and sometimes she’ll come with her friend whom I was interested in at the time. Anyways, fast forward to the day before I left, she came to visit alone in the evening and asked to sleep over when I tried to walk her back to the gate (GhenGhen!). I did a double take and asked her again if she was sure that was what she wanted, she responded affirmatively and we had a few experiences that night (cough cough). Sometimes I wonder if she deliberately waited till I was almost gone for that experience to happen because I haven’t seen or heard from her ever since.

Daniel: This one was kind of weird because she wasn’t a new person. My ex wanted me back but wanted my guy too and she low-key hinted at being interested in a 3some with both of us.

GC: Wait what?!

Daniel: Something about I'm the only one who's ever made her feel the way she felt and because of that she wants me to teach my guy how to make love to her. Weirdest conversation ever because I had not moved on and felt like I was just a booty call to her because she loved the sex. It is the one memory I have about her that fueled my hatred at that time for women. I'm okay now though. (I don’t know about hatred for women but that was weird af)

Femi: I mean most of the time women feel you and try to set you up to make the move. I’m yet to have an experience of a lady outrightly telling me she wants to eat my work in the eye of the carton but I know they exist. A while ago a friend kept tabs on my schedule wanting to know when I would be in her city, she also checked if her visit to my city would align with my busy schedule, she didn't do all that just because she was my "friend" yeah, anyways the program later aligned and.....................to be contd… (I told this person I don’t like cliffhangers but he doesn’t rate me so he didn’t continue the gist).

I also had an encounter with a rather bold lady who outrightly stole a kiss (harassment if the person doesn’t want this to happen o!), didn't really explore the possibility of this for several reasons, mostly because my people say...it's not every fish that's supposed to be eaten...O dabọ o.

Lessons Learnt

My conclusion from this is that women have game!!!

I might use these moves to snag the boyfriend I told my colleagues I’d have by Thursday (perhaps next Thursday sha). There was no water supply at the Hub yesterday, I hope that will be fixed today because I don’t enjoy ghetto living and people don’t wash their hands. Anyways that’s all folks!

Stay Jiggy