Why is your hand on my waist?
Women on the icky advances they received from interested men
This is finally getting easier to do!!! two blog posts in one week? *glows with pride* I listened to my favourite podcasts this week and boy do I have gist? let’s get into it quickly, this will be short.
You know how we admire people from a distance until they open their mouths and all the admiration disappears (tragic! especially if they were really cute), something like that happened to someone on the podcast and it was quite disastrous. Makes me wonder if I’ve bungled my chances with someone because I sounded not bright, oh well.
This week I asked a few of my lady colleagues what icky ways men have made advances or shown interest in them, the responses went from the usual Negging up to downright disrespectful. Unfortunately, some women may not see anything wrong with these instances and to those women I say sorrows, sorrows, prayers.
When asked “What is the ickiest way a man has shown interest in you?” the ladies said:
Shalewa: this guy told me “I won’t tell you to break up with your BF, just try me on the side and you can decide who you prefer. Shalewa has been married to the BF this guy was contending with for 3 years+.
Remi: this guy I rejected a few years ago turned around and said “aṣẹwó ni ẹ, jẹ kin fẹ ẹ (translated: you are a prostitute, let me marry you) so I can take you off the streets”. I’m not just shocked, I’m joseline hernandez v Mimi on LHHATL mad. if I had a drink in my hand when this fellow spoke, I’d toss it at him.
Vicki: I felt cute at the market the other day and some men thought it was an invitation to grope me. When I yelled at one of them to stop, he said he was groping me because he liked me and wanted to marry me someday *side eye, the bombastic kind*. To be honest, being groped at fashion markets in Lagos was only reduced because some brave women organised a market march a few years ago. It is a gross violation of anyone’s personal space to touch, grab or hold them without consent.
Ekua: The grossest ways men have moved to me is by touching use your words sir. I also hate it when they send someone else to talk to you (like a waiter or security person). Sis said, “If you want to talk to me, talk to me directly”.
Candice: Leaving silly comments on all my social media posts won’t get you anywhere sir. It’s icky and irritating as hell.
I’ve had a meddlesome stranger ask me if I had emotional problems because I asked him not to speak to me at the department store on a Sunday morning. The shock didn’t let me muster a response. or is it the ones who intentionally brush past you at crowded parties or hold your waist when they want to speak to you in the club? why is your hand on my waist sir? what happened to standing where you are and speaking like a normal person?
I don’t even want to rip into the ones who do not understand the place and time for flirty banter. One time in uni, a mutual acquaintance asked if it was the breast I was growing that made me proud, this happened because I didn’t respond to his apparent condescension towards me. Imagine his shock when I returned his foolishness with an equally crass and caustic response (something about his balls finally dropping and making him insufferable).
Coincidentally, there have been at least two reports of men being unnecessarily rude or inappropriate towards women they claimed to be interested in overnight see:
Here’s my thing, people need to start approaching others with clear intent. Sometimes we have malicious intent without realising it, for instance, people lie about wanting relationships just to have sex and ghost it’s big 2023 and you’re not 19 years old. You like a babe, instead of being creepy in her comment section how about you send her a DM like the one below? (obviously, you can adapt this to whatever activity you choose)
Or stop assuming everyone you show interest in would like you back. I may be in over my head but there are many interesting ways to show people interest without being creepy, harassing, insensitive or dishonest. Heck use ChatGPT to aggregate pickup lines and use the funniest ones to woo the person, just keep your hands and dirty jokes off people who don’t want them. I have 2 feel-good albums to recommend to y’all todayyyyy.
Going in search of Korean Barbecue this weekend for next week’s content. send recommendations in Lagos if you have them.
Stay Jiggy
Lord have mercy upon us